Before I get started, I just want to say that I'm not really sure I'm ready for another tribute article just quite yet. Michael Jackson's was hard enough, and to find out that Billy Mays died just a couple of days later was a complete shock and just made the way I felt at that time that much worse. That said, I'm going to try my damnedest to honor the memory of Billy Mays as best I can. AWESOME UPDATE: Billy Mays III says he really liked this tribute!
Hi, ThinkSoJoE here for a tribute to Billy Mays, the greatest pitchman of all time! Bought a ShamWoW from Vince? Didn't work too well? Billy's got something for that! Your knives are too dull to even cut through a sponge? Billy's got something for that! Cat's litter box smell too bad? Billy's got something for that! Hungry? Billy's got something for that too!
But wait - there's more!
If you're living in an apartment where you're not allowed to put holes in the wall, how can you hang up new shelves for more storage? Billy's got something for that! Need to clean a bunch of things but don't want to buy numerous expensive cleaning products? Billy's got something for that!
How much would you expect to pay for this one of a kind pitchman? $100? $200? No way! If you act now, you'll get Billy Mays for just two easy payments of...
Billy Mays, we'll miss you. While we're cleaning everything in sight with OxiClean and hanging shelves on the wall with Mighty Putty, we'll be enjoying some patented Billy Burgers from the Big City Slider Station in your memory. We've had a lifetime of guys trying to sell us products for "incredibly low" prices, but your charisma and winning personality pushed you through the crowd and into a league of your own. We'll need a whole lot of Mighty Mendit to fix all the broken hearts left in your passing.
William Darrell "Billy" Mays, Jr
1958 - 2009